Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
