Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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