I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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