If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
