If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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