Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
