for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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