Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
