she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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