I CAN MOONWALK!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
A+ Viking dick
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
