its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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