i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
