apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
