Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
