I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
