is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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