fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
