So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Drunk is not a location!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize