This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
