I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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