then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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