I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Terrible idea I love it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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