You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
