You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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