No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
