she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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