i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
