My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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