At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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