I'm gonna have a badass scar
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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