he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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