I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
