Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
