I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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