quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
