seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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