I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
