Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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