after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
