just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
