Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
