Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
