It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
