i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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