Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
