If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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