I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
