i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
