I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
