I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
