After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
