i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize