Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Houston, we have a squirter
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
