I heard we made out
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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