Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
