sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
