Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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