Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
