If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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