I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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