me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
