SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
