how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
